Just The Beggining

It's dark and it still smells like vanilla raspberry perfume from the RAs who just left from doing room checks. Traffic on the interstate is heavy again this evening and the girls in the room below me are having a convention on the stairwell again. If you can't tell yet I'm sitting in my dorm room, again. I thought that moving to a city from a small country town would give me more to do but I think I was mistaken. Yeah, I like it here but I'm a jobless college student who can't afford tuition and can't stay in class for longer than a month. I know that sounds pretty bad but no matter how interested I am in the subject, I just can't help but be a little depressed about how everyone seems to know everything that's going on already and I'm totally lost. I guess it doesn't help that I don't have many friends here either but I'm so terrified of people that I just don't really know what to say or do around people I've never met before. It's ridiculous and I know it but I was raised to have an unhealthy dose of fear and caution. So now I sit here in the uncomfortable, death trap chair that the university provided contemplating doing my mountain of laundry and wondering what I'm going to do now that this semester is almost over. Should I transfer to the community college back in my small country hometown or stick it out here where I've been happier on my own despite having few friends and failing? That's the question that's been in my mind for the last few weeks now. The only person that I can really talk to it about is usually too busy with work and her fiancé and I don't really want to burden her with any more of my issues. I feel like if I go back home I'll be giving up but if I stay here I'll just be a failure. I think I make it more complicated than it should be but I'm just at a loss as what to do.